When you open yourself up to inexplicable joy, you also open yourself up to deep sadness. It's a hard step to take, knowing the lows can get very, very low. But it is better than giving nothing its due. I would rather feel the hurt and the happiness as acutely as they deserve than be cold to everything. Because if you fail to feel what each situation calls for as fully as you can, you lose your capacity for sympathy. And that's a lonely way to live.
Dear Nathaniel, I am microwaving pie that Mom bought up in Oak Glen this week on her way home from the orthodontist. As I put it in the microwave, I was full of sadness that I was not in Oak Glen with her. Why did I not go? I was working. I want to see the trees turn. I want to wander slowly through autumnal gift shops. Under the water, you cannot sense the approach of the seasons. Even here it is difficult because, after all, it's California. But I can still sense it. After three seasons in Illinois and one in Scotland, it must be with me for good. Or at least for a while. Because I am all abuzz with eagerness for fall and winter, for turkeys and dried leaves and Santa. I should start cooking again this fall. Fall foods are my favorite. Baked squash dripping with melted butter and brown sugar, pumpkin soup... this year, if I have enough money, I will put together a holiday dinner for my friends. And we will drink Scandinavian mulled wine, which is the most wonderful thing I have e...
Comments
Post a Comment